Friday, June 16, 2017

May 29, 2017

also known as the scariest day as a parent yet.

the absolute longest and most terrifying 37 minutes of my life went down like this:

4:35--gave Fletcher spoon full of peanut butter
4:37--texted Julia "We're trying it again too. Even though he's broken out twice." [oh Lauren, you fool] Julia was giving Wade his second taste of peanut butter too that afternoon.
4:45ish--Fletcher starts coughing. He's had a cold so I didn't think it was too abnormal.
4:46ish---Fletcher is coughing more. So, I asked Jared to come listen to him. Jared thinks he might have peanut butter stuck in his mouth. Mom instincts are telling me something is not right. Nursing judgment is out the window at this point
4:48ish--Fletcher starts to wheeze, drool, cry, sweat, and is looking very scared
4:48:30ish--we start to freak, I told Jared we need to get Benadryl in him. But of course I forget how much we are supposed to give him. Jared is reading the box which states "not recommended for children under two." I yell, "I know but I know we can give it to him, damn it," while googling the dosage to administer.
4:49ish--finally find the dosage (3.75mL) and try to give it to Fletcher who can barely swallow
4:50--called pediatrician on call to explain situation and get advice on what to do. She said they have a very low threshold for reactions to peanuts and to call 911
4:54--Jared calls 911
[I think they arrived around 3-5 minutes later which feels like an eternity when you are in full blown panic mode]
5:00ish--breathing is much better. Fletcher and mom have calmed down. EMS says breath sounds are normal, pulse ox and heart rate are normal.
5:12--snap survival picture with EMS people because when you have just had that intense of a moment, you need to document it.

The next day I took Fletcher to the pediatrician where we were asked a lot of questions and prescribed an epi pen. When we arrived at the pharmacy they told us the pen they prescribed was going to $600. I directly said, no, it will not be. The tech helped to get us set up with a generic which only cost $60 for two. Sheesh, I knew there was controversy about these epi pens but I was ignorant and didn't pay attention or care until my kid actually had an allergy.

I genuinely went through the stages of grief after the reaction and being diagnosed with the allergy. Initially it was denial. The pediatrician asked me if I wanted allergy testing and promptly said "no." Why, I couldn't tell you. I thought, well we already have an epi pen so if he almost nearly dies from anything else we will be ready. Then it was a lot of anger. I still am angry and sad. As a mother you never want your children to live with any limitations. I fully understand that peanut allergies are very common and are much more mainstream now. I also understand that he could have a much worse or obscure allergy. However, that does not prevent me from being worried about everything he puts in his mouth or what he could come in contact with on the playground or at someone else's house or if he is around someone who doesn't recognize the signs of a reaction. I don't want Fletcher to have to worry about what he can or can't eat. I don't want to be one of those crazy helicopter moms that constantly worry. But, here I am reading labels and planning where the epi pens will be stored. It just sucks, it really really really sucks. So yes, still working through the anger and depression stages. Not quite to acceptance because I did everything "like I was told" and he still ended up having a scary reaction.

Our plan is to find a great allergist and get him tested to find out the severity of his allergy so we can be prepared for the future. We are also lucky that we live in an area with wonderful doctors and hospitals. there are world renowned allergist who are doing clinical trials for peanut allergies. One is working on sensitizing children. When Fletcher is older I hope to get him into one of those.

It took me a long time to sit down and write this post because I was so upset and still am. Even reading this over I get emotional thinking about what happened and what his life will look like from here. However, we have a great support system and have friends whose children also have allergies so we are not alone.