Thursday, May 16, 2013


Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it. 

When I looked up "lot in life" there were several different explanations for this saying. Most agree that it is a Biblical reference from a story about Abraham and Lot in the book of Genesis. Some say it is synonymous with "the hand you are dealt in life." Or this is what you got, so deal with it. Basically, people who find trouble in their life (real or perceived) they claim it is their "Lot" in life and they must endure. 

So, what do I think my "lot in life" is? 

Simply, my father. 

I won't go into all the details but, he is a manic bipolar alcoholic, who I no longer have contact with for many reasons. I believe it is my "lot in life" because not having a father in your life is difficult, but it is especially trying when you are about to get married. 

Every girl dreams of having her dad walk her down the aisle, giving her away, sharing a father daughter dance, and listening to his speech about how happy he is that his little girl found someone to take care of her. I won't get to have those moments because my father won't be present to do those things. 

I used to, and still do sometimes, get upset or feel a tinge of jealousy when planning for our wedding and I see all the sweet ideas for the father-daughter moments throughout the wedding. 

However, I am overcoming the loss of that figure in my life. 
I am realizing the people around me who do care for me, who have actually been there and haven't hurt me. 

I will still be walked down the aisle by the two most important men (besides Jared) in my life. I will still be given away by my family who has supported me. I will still share a dance with an influential man in my upbringing. I will still get to hear speeches about how happy people are that Jared and I have found each other. These things will just not be done by my father. And that is ok. 

I want my wedding day to be the happiest day of my life and it will be because I get to marry the most amazing man on the face of this earth.

My "lot in life" stinks, but there are others out there who have it worse. 
I am grateful for the life and the family I have been blessed with because it brought me to where I am today. Yes, there are things that I wish I could change, but if it meant that today would be any different I wouldn't take a single thing back.

So, thanks "lot in life" aka p.o.s. father for making me into the person I am today,
I think Jared actually enjoys my crazy sometimes...

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